Be (adjective): to have presence.
First and foremost, thank you for to all of you who have read my first few articles and subscribed, I am truly very grateful for your support. If you are new here, welcome, I’m so glad you’re here!
Do you ever feel like you need a fresh start, but have absolutely no energy, nor capacity for a start over?
You are not alone, and that ‘itch’ is a natural part of the journey of self recovery.
We are not meant to stay stagnant, but we are not also meant to rush ahead, nor cyclically burn everything to the ground when we’ve ‘had enough’.
Last week I hosted my workshop Your Current Season for a group of ten brilliant women. I’m someone who practices what they preach, so in the week leading up to the workshop I ran through the framework and journaling prompts, as part of my own seasonal check in.
A core part of my work is helping you to meet yourself where you are, as opposed to where you want to be, and the journaling prompts I create help guide you to understanding where it is truly worth putting your focus and energy.
There is a really effective exercise I share in the workshop that guides you through choosing an emotion that will lead the way forward through the stagnation.
I was surprised what came up for me this time, I started the year wanting to feel vibrant.
In this season I want to feel capable.
Through my own journaling I got very clear about which versions of me are no longer serving me, and about what I need to commit to moving forward if I want to stay true to myself.
I have a chronic habit of overthinking and over complicating pretty much everything, and my newly turned 44 year old self is no longer interested in being a woman who doesn’t give herself a chance, traps herself in the busyness of life, feels exhausted by the weight of her own expectations.
I no longer want to feel guilty for giving energy to what makes me feel most me, nor carry so much responsibility, and be so impatient with myself, nor make life more difficult than it has to be, nor put so much pressure on myself to be someone that I am not yet.
I want this season to be the one I care for who I am, now.
I no longer want to feel incapable.
I have over fourteen years experience in this work, and yet I often behave as if I’m new to it, as if I haven’t fervently studied, and navigated my way through this cycle season after season.
No more.
I’m done with standing on the side lines and watching others less capable that me misguiding, misinforming, whilst so many women succumb to feeling hopeless, unworthy, burnt out, and overwhelmed, it’s malpractice, and it’s downright wrong.
Some journaling prompts I’ve been writing on to understand who I no longer want to be:
Who do I no longer want to be?
How do I no longer want to feel?
How is not living (truth)fully effecting my mental health?
What steps can I take towards living more (truth)fully?
How longer am I willing to sit with this knowledge and not take action?
The thing is, just because I’m aware of these feelings, it does not mean that I can simply flip a switch and start feeling capable, behave like I feel capable.
In order to start feeling capable I need to give myself what I need to nourish that part of myself that feels incapable, I need to show her that I trust her, that I believe in her, that she can take her time, that she doesn’t have to feel rushed, push through and feel like she has to ‘perform’, feel unauthentic and be sent into a state of anxiety and overwhelm.
To know what this capable version of me is lacking, I need to be brutally honest about how I feel now, who I am now.
And the truth is I have been through three years of what felt like wading though thick dark mud, in the pouring rain and biting wind.
We faced storm after storm and the version of me who got us through that, who didn’t give up, who pushed through, so that we survived, so that we are here today needs me to acknowledge her.
She is not incapable she faced trial after trial and she kept me safe.
Now it is my turn to show her how grateful I am, that I see her, hear how tired she is after all that she got us through, and let her know that she can take a breathe, take her time, rest, and that I’m going to do what it takes so that she knows that I trust her and believe she is capable.
The way to our truth, starts with us telling our truth, the truth about where we are, and who we are, now.
One of the ways you can tell you are healing is by the pace at which you move through life, this has been one of the hardest parts of this journey for me.
I was so uncomfortable where I was, with who I was, I constantly rushed towards the next version of me who would ‘be enough’, but I never got to her, there was no her, I just ended up burnt out, anxious, overwhelmed, feeling lost, frustrated and resentful.
So it’s never easy for me to be where I am, with who I am, it’s a constant practice, I’m always pulled to create, to the dopamine hit of newness and feeling like I’m making progress.
But in this season I want to be here, I want to be her.
I’m content with who I am, I’m content with what I have, and I just want to tend and nurture to it all, I no longer want to rush, and bury myself in the busyness of more.
And to be here, to be her, to nourish what she is lacking, to make her believe that she is worthy of everything that she has created thus far, I need to give her what she needs.
It’s time to be honest about the ways I haven’t been caring enough for myself, and take responsibility for it, and take action to making amends, without the shame and guilt.
Some prompts to help you identify your needs, be honest:
Consider your physical needs. Sleep, exercise, nutrition, hygiene. Ask yourself : Am I getting enough sleep? Am I eating well? Am I taking care of my body? Write down all the physical needs that come to mind.
Consider your emotional needs. Do you feel loved, supported, validated? Ask yourself : I am supporting myself? Am I validating my own feelings and needs? Am I caring about myself enough? Write down all the emotional needs that come to mind.
Consider your intellectual needs. Such as learning, reading and experiencing new things. Ask yourself : Am I nourishing my mind with new things? Am I engaging in activities that inspire me? Am I seeing through the courses I signed up to? Write down all the intellectual needs that come to mind.
Consider your spiritual needs. Such as meaning, feeling purposeful, feeling connected. Ask yourself : Do I feel a sense of meaning? Do I feel purposeful? Am I using my energy to engage in activities that align with my values and beliefs? Write down all the spiritual needs that come to mind.
Once you have done this take time to prioritise your needs, identify the top need in each area and take steps to nourishing those needs.
Steps I’ve taking to meet my needs this season
Giving ourselves what we need is never easy, but it is what brings us back to ease.
I’ve had to make some bold steps as we head into a new season to show myself that I’m listening and that I do care, and assure myself I do have time, I’m on my way.
Meeting my needs
As I wrote about above, to nurture the parts of me that feel incapable I need to show them that I don’t believe that.
I need to start behaving in a way that shows I care, shows I trust, shows that I am going to support her, allow her time, be patient with her, and encourage her as she figures things out.
Giving myself permission
If I don’t allow myself to even try, then what message am I sending to myself about how much I believe in myself and how capable I am.
I’ve been yearning to create a true writing practice for as long as I can remember, but I have never even given myself a chance, because I never felt deserving, that I would be enough.
I’ve been stuck in the fear of believing that I would just let myself down, that I would fail, not fail at writing, but fail myself.
Practicing
My word for this year is practice, and as I worked my way through the journaling prompts of Your Current Season, I had to be honest about how much I’ve let myself put being me into practice.
Not enough.
It’s never easy being a beginner, but we are who we practice to be.
Making Space
If you are feeling trapped it is most likely because you are leaving no room for yourself to be, to evolve, to grow.
I’ve not only created more space for myself by shifting the weight of a lot of responsibility I was feeling, I’ve made a lot of new boundaries and I’ve made some bold moves in my business, in fact I’m giving up the ‘business’ part of my business, more on that to come no doubt.
A space in which I and you can practice at being ourselves, creating this space feels like support and accountability, a place I can really Let Her Be.
The hard truth is, unless we are honest with ourselves, we cannot be authentic.
I’m tired.
Tired of so much, and most of all I’m tired of seeing so many capable women running on empty and not letting themselves be, because they don’t feel enough.
You already are, and you are already here.
I’d love to hear from you if my words resonate with you, and moreover I would love to know which version of you you need to let go of as you head into a new season.
If you’d like some support with living more (truth)fully, do reach out to learn more about 1:1 support or consider joining my community Let Her Be - A Space For Creative Women - Committed To Living In Ease & With Presence.
What is the Let Her Be Community?
A gathering space for soulful women to inspire, encourage, and care for themselves, and one another as they commit to living (truthfully).
Without the pressure of high expectation.
More words to come, for now,
I’m by your side,
Johanna
Walking with you! So much of this resonated for me today as I strip back a layer and shift focus.
Beautiful writing!